any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
