i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
