Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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