So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
