why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
