I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
