It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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