Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
