When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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