And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
