There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I don't think brook has ever known best
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
