I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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