So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
