Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
