$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
