how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
