I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Success! We fucked roommates!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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