Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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