From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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