I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm both gender and math confused
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
