And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
