were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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