Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
