It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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