Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
