How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
