how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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