I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
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