We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
