Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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