Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
