i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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