just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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