YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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