apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
