She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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