You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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