I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
