Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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