The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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