Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
