I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
