We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
