I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
