Do you still have your period?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
you inspire me to be a worse person
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
