Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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