Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
