I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
