how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The convent might be a nice break from real life
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
