This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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