Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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