So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
