I just pynch a tree in the face
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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