have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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